Top 10 Reasons I Don't Use the Outer Planets

Not a week goes without someone, by e-mail, on discussion groups or by phone, asking me why I don't use the outer planets. Here's my top ten list why I do not use the modern planets.

1. I don't like saying Uranus. Your anus? Urinous?

2. It irritates Glenn Perry

3. I am stuck in a time warp.

4. I fell on my head as an infant and damaged the section of the brain that governs channeling, crystal healing and chakra cleansing.

5. What was good enough for Lilly is good enough for me.

6. I can't count past 7.

7. I am possessed by the spirit of a cranky old man.

8. What outer planets?

9. I am an idiot.

10. Pluto is a dog.